Here I am at a place I frequent quite regularly. I’m standing on the edge. I know that I need to take the next step, but fear begins to paralyze me. I know that I need to move forward, but there’s something holding me back. Something that tells me all of the reasons why I just don’t have it in me to do this. Something that tells me all of the reasons why I’m not enough and why I never seem to measure up. I don’t want to believe any of these voices, but it almost seems impossible not to. Their voices are overpowering amidst the chaos that seems to ensue all around. I just need the quiet. The peacefulness that my soul so desperately craves. If only for just a few minutes, then it would all be okay. I would get through this.
Brave. Courageous. Words that don’t seem to describe me at the moment. I thought I was supposed to feel this way, but it’s nowhere near my radar. I want this to be who I am, but it’s not happening no matter what I do or try to say. These two small, power-packed words just aren’t making their abode in me.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere. I have to take the first step. Even if I feel afraid, I must make the first move. I thought God was going to magically make me feel like I could take on the world, but that just didn’t happen. I feel unqualified and out of my comfort zone. I want it to be easy, but God says this isn’t what I need. I need to rely upon His strength to carry me in these unfamiliar places and uncharted waters.
I take the first step. I don’t have a clue of my footing. What if I fall? What if there’s nothing there to catch me? What if I’m nothing more than a fool for having taken this risk? My mind swirls with too many thoughts questioning why this isn’t going to work. I quiet my mind and just listen. I listen to that still, small voice telling me that He’s got me. I don’t have anything to be afraid of. He’ll catch me if I fall. At that moment, I am reminded once again of God’s great love for me, so I know that I can do this no matter how I feel.
After the first step, I see that there isn’t anything to be afraid of. The racing thoughts and fears just all melt away. My way and footing are sure even with all of the unknowns and questions. Pretty soon I know that I am able to press through and relax in the process because I’m not doing any of this on my own. All God asks is that I take the first step. Then He takes care of the rest.
I can’t see where I’m going, but God does. I choose to look on with eyes of faith instead of eyes of doubt, trusting that which I can’t see. The invisible has become my visible. Those things which be not as though they are is where I long to be. Just one step. One tiny little step that unlocks the door to my destiny.
The future is calling. Will you pick up?