Father, I’m at a loss for words. I don’t even know where to begin because there is so much going on inside of me. So many thoughts running through my mind. So many things that just don’t make sense in the midst of my human reasoning. I want to ask you why once again as I’ve done a million times, but You have yet to answer that one burning question. I know that You’re not going to answer that question, but yet I ask it once more hoping that maybe, just maybe, this time You will.
I am quick to say that You are a good Father, but sometimes what You’re doing just doesn’t feel good. It feels anything but that. I know that You aren’t responsible for what people choose. You could stop this all if You wanted to, but this time You chose not to. So here I am once again just trying to make sense of it all. Just trying to see the Good in the Good, Good Father.
I know that You love me. I breathe in the beauty of that promise with every breath that I take. I’m overwhelmed with Your love. Even in the midst of my darkness, Your love illuminates my heart allowing Your light to shine through me to others pained as I once was. Your light brings healing. Your light brings comfort. Your light brings clarity to confusion. Your light is love because You are love.
Father, I embrace my vulnerability and honesty with You. It’s a beautiful gift that You’ve given to me. As You’ve taken on my grief, depression, and despair, You’ve exchanged it to give Your daughter, beauty from these ashes. Joy from the brokenness. Healing from the deepest valley. Your gift to me cost You everything, but You did it all because You loved me. You loved Natalie. Your love is ever revolving around over and over to me because there is no beginning or ending to Your love. I am complete in Your love. I am immersed in Your love.
Father, as I end this time with You, my spirit is still abiding in You. I leave from this moment, but I continue in this moment as I experience you with every moment yet to be. With every fiber of my being, You are there. You’re always there. Just as close as the mention of Your name or even just the thought of Your name. You consume me – all of me until all that’s left is You. You have captured and captivated my heart. My heart is Yours, Lord. All Yours!
Until my next meeting with You in the secret place, I will wait…in expectancy…for You.
Your beloved daughter