Layer upon layer it’s all being cut away exposing who I really am. Showing the real me. A person I thought I knew, but who continues to surprise me once again. After several birthdays you think you understand this person, but then you begin to realize you never really understood this person at all.
Negative events that left scars on my heart have been my story. Things beyond my control that I have experienced have taken me to the lowest place of despair ever imaginable. Even through every ounce of pain, I am grateful. If it hadn’t been for these dark places, then I wouldn’t be who I am today. This rebirth and genesis of my persona has been a pleasant reminder of the grace of God taking every broken piece and giving me a new place to stand. It’s given me a new perspective on life. One that is much different than ever before. One that sees the world and others through a new pair of spectacles. The world is now becoming a place of beauty even greater than before. This is a place that I am growing to love even more as the days go by.
Each small part of who I am is important and has a place in The Kingdom. It all matters. The discovery is a sweet place. It keeps me longing for more each day. More into the depth of the woman that God created me to be. More into the complexity of the creature that I am. A creature with dreams, desires, and visions for her future. Even my deepest thoughts of each of these is small in comparison with what God has in store. I envision who I am, but God wants to go even deeper, so I dive into this unknown with great expectancy. It’s frightening at first, but then I immerse myself into the sweetest peace available. The peace of God.
The things that make me tick. The things that make me who I am. The things that I like and enjoy. The things that are becoming more real to me now more than ever before. These are the uncharted waters that I am crossing. Sometimes the waves are tumultuous, but I know that I am safe. God is watching out for me. The maiden voyage is seeing land just in sight. This is the land of endless possibilities and limitless opportunities. That’s where I’m headed. That’s what I have to look forward to.
Each new discovery leads to another. One piece of the puzzle fits into the other. It’s all creating a priceless work of art. A masterpiece not for sale, but simply for the sake of the enjoyment of the moment. This is who I am becoming. In the becoming, God’s plan is being laid out before my very eyes.
I am my own person. I am an individual. I am unique. I am simple, yet complex. I am learning to love myself more and more. I am enjoying this journey into self-discovery. It’s a place that brings me great happiness amidst what very well could be the exact opposite. When you get to the core of who I really am, you will discover this brand new person just like I have. I can’t wait for you to discover this along with me. Each day is full of surprises as I never know what to expect. So often, I surprise myself.
The opera. Strolls through the city. Concerts. Long talks over a cup of coffee. Ice cream from the soda fountain. These are just a few things that now are a part of the new things I have discovered about myself. None of them are a surprise to me, but they each came about by taking the time to invest in and discover who I really am. They are surface level items. Not really important in the grand scheme of things, but they are important to me. If you care about me, then you must know that I don’t fit into your mold. I am not yours to take and shape into the idea of who you think I should be. I walk to the beat of a different drum. The drum beat of God’s heart and love for me. Take me as I am. Nothing is hidden. Love me as I am. That’s all that I ask.