It seems as if it’s taking forever. Much longer than I anticipated. In fact, it appears that things are getting worse. Praying and trusting, but seeing no change. Experiencing the deafening silence as I wait on God. This isn’t the place I want to be, but this is the place that God has brought me to. It’s difficult to keep hanging on when today is just the same as it was yesterday. Desiring to see God move in my circumstance, but there again, nothing. Nothing but discouragement all around me. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to see the end to all of this. God, are You listening to me, Your daughter?
There are so many things I don’t understand about this place, but yet I continue to hold on. Continuing to press forward into what feels uncomfortable and unknown. Even though my heart feels shattered from the difficulty all around me, I somehow know that it’s all going to be okay. I know that God is working in ways that I can’t see. He understands the desires of my heart because He placed those inside of me. Everything that concerns me concerns Him. Nothing is too difficult or impossible for God. I know that in my head, but often it’s tough to accept that in my heart. Yet I continue to trust in that which I can’t see. Residing in that place of faith that He’s called us to live. Only a small mustard size seed of faith, but that’s all that it takes.
At times like these, emotions run their course. Wanting to see change, but also seeing the reality around me. Reality that only seeks to bring me down. I can’t stay in this place. Out of the pit into a beautiful place of rest. God loves me enough to bring me into this new place. Resting in the care of Abba Father. It’s quiet and peaceful here. Just what my souls craves from the weariness of the journey. Here I am living as the woman that He created me to be even among the fragmented pieces of what once was whole. Slowly but surely it is all coming together. I sense that and know that in my spirit. Broken pieces now being put back together with the healing touch of Abba’s hands.
I don’t see how it’s going to work out, but I don’t need to know. I’ve placed this all into the loving care of The One that has captured my heart. My mind tells me that I need to know every detail, but my spirit says it doesn’t matter. I only grow in faith when I’m placed in circumstances to promote that growth. I’m there right now. Growing my faith as I must trust that which I can’t see. Wanting so much to embrace this new season with nothing but skies of blue. Pushing those gray skies away to make way for the sun’s light. Knowing that at some point in time, He will answer me. Not just answer prayer, but answer me.
Here. Right now. In this place. Not knowing what the future holds, but knowing who holds the future. Looking beyond what isn’t into the land of promise. God’s promise to me. Precious places only traveled through by caravans of inquisitive followers. Followers just wanting to know how it’s all going to come together and that He really does care. Holding on. Breathing deep. Watching it all unfold just like I knew that it would. There’s no place for fear here. Only that of living by faith. Yes, a whole lifetime of faith because living by faith is more than just a song.